A couple of forevers

I try to scramble and make this pen write faster than I can form my thoughts. You are once again the topic on my mind. All the what ifs and all the scenarios that I replay like a broken record before I give up with yet another headache. Mixed up half written thoughts asking questions to the you I once knew because the you that is here is foreign to me. What’s the last book you read? What’s your favorite cookie? What inspires you to become a better man than you were yesterday? Intrigued to know how your love flows but scared that mine will look like baggage. So I stand here not sure of what’s in front of me but ready to share past hurts and current fears. Don’t judge me when the two start to intertwine. Because I lost my voice at one point. Just went with the flow didn’t want to become the “dramatic” girl. Lost my footing and became that girl. Scared to open up because I never wanted to lose a love even if that love was hurting me. Moved on from that place and fell in love with me first. Got my voice back and I know where I stand. Confident in who I am growing to be. So I won’t ask for a fairy tale I just want a love that doesn’t hurt.

Uncomfortable

I wear a smile that can be brought at the dollar store. To bad my eyes can’t be brought there or I would have gotten a pair too. Your eyes don’t lie. Not the way your fake smile can. My fake smile compliments these horrible clothes that I am just not comfortable in. But it all goes together. My fake smile and my too tight, looks like it was paired on, two sizes to small outfit match. To bad my eyes don’t go with this “package”. To bad my eyes that just don’t seem to lie and can’t seem to be honest with me won’t go with this package. You see I’m not happy in this skin. This can’t be my body because my body would look like her body. My body wouldn’t bulge and poke out like this. These damn commercials that feed lies to my eyes that just keep insisting that my package is wrong. Who cares that I have dove soft skin or that I eat proactive to keep everything regular. These damn commercials that tell me to join this and buy that to get that body that doesn’t bulge or poke out because these Dance abs or these watchers or this system or the insanity of it all will make it go away.

Instead I stand here with my bra and panties on saying this bulge and these extra lumps look damn good on my body