Lost in my thoughts

It is impossible for me to write. It is impossible for me to express myself 100% right now. My mind is playing tricks on me and my heart isn’t much help. My mouth can’t form a sentence and my eyes are saying way to much. So I thought writing would be better. I mean my hands have to just go with the flow and just let whatever comes to mind out. Well there goes that idea because my mind is pretty much shot! I mean I feel like I’m being pulled in a million directions….and yet all of those directions are to benefit someone else. When in all honesty I just want to be left alone. But that’s not going to happen. You see right now I hear these little voices and they get louder and then it’s silence and then BAM they are every where and it’s questions and they yell and scream and I just want silence. No silence just noise. Lovely noise non the less but noise I don’t want to hear. I want silence. I want my mind to stop racing I want my head to stop pounding. I want silence.

Idk

I want to introduce myself to you but I can’t seem to make that happen. I see you and can’t do more than give you a weak smile and a wave of the hand. It’s like a trance that I walk in when I see you. A spell that is cast upon me that cause me to become tongue tied and unable to make complete thoughts. My brain is screaming say hello. Just speak words make a conversation say something. Yet nothing comes out instead I’m left with this awkward silence and the urgency that pushes me to want to speak.

Our love

He saw me when I was a shell of myself. When the me that I was wouldn’t recognize the me that I am. He held my hand and encouraged me to become more than what I was. He didn’t push me one way or the other, he just held my hand and listened to my tears. No judgement , no rushing just allowing me to find my way with nothing more but to have his support. Not once did he ask for anything in return except for me to smile. A man that would rather see me smile and that be the only thing that he wants in return is a rare thing indeed. A beautiful surprise none the less. A love like no other is what I have found. A love that is just that … Love…. Not wanting or expecting… Not demanding or impatient… OMG not impatient!!!!! He takes his time. He takes his time with everything. What’s the rush what’s the hurry! He gives me his most patient love and his listening ear. To hear my babble, to hear my fears, to hear my tears combined with my scary emotional 18 million layer taco dip worries. I am beyond words in love. Beyond thoughts and beyond having my feet on the ground. He doesn’t care that my feet never touch the ground. That my thoughts and my feelings carry me to places that only my heart know of. But when those same feelings and thoughts overwhelm me he still has my hand and is still there to comfort me. Something about that kind of love. Something about this love warms my heart. Something about this love and this man that gives me his love and this smile. I wonder sometimes how our paths crossed and then I close my eyes because our path is now one and we are walking this road together.