Spoiled

Who doesn’t like to be spoiled? Who doesn’t like to get something special sent to them just because? Flowers, a card, a little note that says a detail description of an evening you have planned for us. I am everything that a hopeless romantic should be. I actually like walks in the park, I like the idea of being in a coffee house (Not Starbucks) but a real coffee house, curled up with a book and the person next to you says what’s that your reading? And the next thing you know it’s a hit. I actually like the idea of ordering some good take out and making it a movie night. I love notes just because and texts throughout the day. Yes I am very over the top. I know it’s bad! But I love it. I’m beyond mushy! I love to cuddle. I love to make out. I love LOVE. I love romance. I love when its expressed. I love being spoiled by love.

Abuse

I hate your nasty ass attitude. I hate that smirk you make when I say something that you don’t like. I hate the way you answer me when it’s a question you are trying to avoid. I hate the way I feel like a child when you raise your voice. I hate that you try to make a scene when other people around to prove a point. I hate that you love to see me in pain that is caused by you.
I have bruises that no doctor can see so police aren’t called and no one can ask if I want to press charges. My smile looks so real that others dismiss my pain as just the normal relationship issues. Secret hiding places I seem to find just to cry and not be asked what’s wrong with you now?
Afraid to leave but scared to stay. ButI do stay because at one point there was love so maybe love will come back. If I act better or say the right thing. Maybe if I dress different or just go with the flow that he is on he will remember why he loved me and I won’t be his emotional punching bag anymore.

A love lost

I write to avoid you. I write to escape that part of you that’s still attached to my emotions in my brain. You still have a space in my heart that has been protected by hurts and and losses.

Bottled up emotions that don’t even make sense on paper. They come out like jagged edges cutting the paper as I write but it all makes sense. Scatter brained and unable to think straight. My mind jumps from one memory to one thought to one song to one lyric to one note in a song that doesn’t even play on the radio anymore but from time to time I hum the tune.

See this is what I go through everyday all day. My mind drifts to you without me even knowing it and when it gets there I sit and take in the moment and before I know it I’m back in love with you again. But we don’t live in my mind and we can’t go back in time. So I find a way to let it go until the next time